sent by: Costor
    ARIES:
    Cyle high in the mountains as you exude your personal magnetism you will stick closer to the road. You exude sexual energy. A ford taurus and the parking lot behind the convenience store is involved.
    
    TAURUS:
    Gain universal power and energy. Protect yourself by wearing gear down below your belt. See people and relationships under ultraviolet light so their true alien nature will be revealed to you.
    
    GEMINI:
    Focus with your camera so you can get clearer pictures. You will be given added responsibilities in your next promotion but not an increase in pay. People will take advantage of you and you will lose your parking space.
    
    CANCER:
    Look beyond the immediate needs of your fellow man and offer them useless spiritual guidance instead. Libra figures heavily in your 401K plan.
    
    LEO:
    You might be secretly carried off in the night by ninjas. Make sure you pack an extra toothbrush as it is a long trip and ninjas are not known for their oral hygene. Prepare some snacks for the journey. Set your VCR for all your favorite shows.
    
    VIRGO:
    Spotlight on your martial art skills will become apparent as you try to rescue Leo from the ninjas. Remember that ninjas are not afraid of you and never eat baked beans. You must use all your training. People will try to warn you about your journey into the occult but you are too stupid to listen.
    
    LIBRA:
    Get out of the way of clumsy people wielding hot coffee, radioactive material, or sharp objects. Obstacles serve as challenges to your everyday life such as opening up a jar of peanut butter or speaking coherently. Buy a lottery ticket. You won`t win anything but at least you can do that without screwing up.
    
    SCORPIO:
    Much occurs behind the scenes of an adult video. You should know, if not you soon will. Everying will be going someone`s way if you know what I mean, and if you don`t you soon will.
    
    SAGITARIUS:
    You are given privileged information and you will be captured by spies who will want that information. You must not give it to them no matter how horrible the tortures are. Really. Give up your profession and go into advertising. If you are in advertising already then torture won`t be so bad.
    
    CAPRICORN:
    Attention revolves around your home so it better be clean for once. You need to work out your domestic issues like that fetish you have for wearing a french maid`s outfit. Get your priorities in order and go out with a handsome young web programmer. No one in particular in mind however... really I wouldn`t mean myself, honest.
    
    AQUARIUS:
    Someone for whatever reason wants to take you to a movie. Don`t let them deceive you. They do have enough money for popcorn they are just cheap ass bastards. Keep your guard up; refuse to be the one who pays.
    
    PISCES:
    You have a different look, and people ask you, "what the hell happened to your face?" You look in the mirror and learn to late that you have been deformed by radioactive material. You have been like this for some time but everyone else was too polite to notice.
    
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