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YOU JUST CAN`T PLEASE THEM
    
    If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman.
    
    If you don`t you are not a man.
    
    If you praise her, she thinks you are sucking up.
    
    If you don`t, you are self-centered and aren`t noticing her enough.
    
    If you agree to all her likes, you are a wuss because you let her control you.
    
    If you don`t, you are selfish and just don`t understand her needs.
    
    If you visit her too often, she thinks you are boring.
    
    If you don`t visit her often enough, you are inattentive.
    
    If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy.
    
    If you are not well-dressed, she says you are a slob.
    
    If you are jealous, she says that is bad.
    
    If you are not, she thinks you don`t love her.
    
    If you attempt "romance," she says you don`t respect her.
    
    If you don`t, she wonders why you think something is wrong with her.
    
    If you are a minute late, she complains of the wait.
    
    If she is an hour late, she says, "That`s a girl`s way."
    
    If you flirt with another woman, she accuses you of being unfaithful.
    
    If she flirts with another man, she says, "Oh, it`s only natural for women."
    
    If you kiss her too often, she says "You are smothering me!"
    
    If you don`t kiss her often enough, she thinks you are a cold fish.
    
    If you stare at others, she calls you a clod.
    
    If she stares at others, she is only "admiring."
    
    If she talks, she wants you to listen
    
    If you listen, she wants you to talk.
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