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Christmas Humor 
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The Month After Christmas
    
    Twas the month after Christmas,
    And all through the house,
    Nothing would fit me,
    Not even a blouse.
    
    The cookies I`d nibbled, the eggnog I`d taste,
    At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
    When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
    When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
    
    I`d remember the marvellous meals I`d prepared;
    The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
    The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
    And the way I`d never said, "No thank you, please."
    
    As I dressed myself in my husband`s old shirt
    And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
    I said to myself, as I only can
    "You can`t spend a winter disguised as a man!"
    
    So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
    Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
    Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
    Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
    
    I won`t have a cookie--not even a lick.
    I`ll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
    I won`t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
    I`ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
    
    I`m hungry, I`m lonesome, and life is a bore---
    But isn`t that what January is for?
    Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
    Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
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