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Santa Is Quitting His Job!
    
    T`was the night before Christmas -- Ole Santa was pissed.
    He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
    Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks...
    I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
    
    I`ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
    Instead of "Thanks Santa" -- what do I hear?
    The old lady bitches `cause I work late at night.
    The elves want more money -- The reindeer all fight!
    
    Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
    Donner is pregnant, now Vixen has AIDS!
    And just when I thought that things would get better,
    Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter!
    
    They say I owe taxes -- if that ain`t damn funny.
    Who the hell ever sent Santa any money?
    
    And the kids these days -- they all are the pits.
    They want the impossible -- Those mean little shits!
    I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
    Assembling dolls ... Arms, legs and heads.
    
    I made a ton of yo yo`s -- NO request for them,
    They want computers and robots... they think I`m IBM!
    
    Flying through the air... dodging the trees.
    Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees!
    I`m quitting this job... there`s just no enjoyment,
    I`ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
    
    There`s no Christmas this year... you now know the reason.
    I found me a blonde -- I`m going SOUTH for the season!
    
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